Tag: determination

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Back at it again

So, here I am, back at it again.

Back on the fitness horse.

I have fallen.  Far.  Fifty pounds to be exact.  Muscle mass and cardio gains, gone.  Worst thing is, I was just eight pounds shy of my initial goal weight.

I got off track, and fell back into old habits.  I will not dwell in the past, what’s done is done.  It is what it is, I offer no excuses.

The important part is I haven’t thrown up my hands and given up.  I don’t think I’ll ever do that.

I still have my gym membership, although it’s not a requirement to get back on track.  And I’ll start this journey just like I have before.

  • I’ll eat less.
  • I’ll move more.
  • I’ll make better food choices but I won’t deprive myself.
  • I’ll track my food intake, calories, and serving sizes.
  • I’ll track my fitness progress (steps, workouts, activity).
  • I won’t push too hard too fast, I’ll listen to my body, and I’ll take a break when I need to.
  • I’ll track my physical progress using a measuring tape, and the way my clothes look and feel, NOT by the digits on a scale.
  • I won’t get comfortable, I will always push myself.
  • I’ll avoid the potholes of self-doubt.
  • And I won’t give up.

Que the Rocky theme song, or Survivor by Destiny’s Child if you prefer, and let the games begin.  I can’t wait to start feeling better, physically and mentally.

Taken about a week ago.  Nowhere to go but up from here.

I’m a tech geek so I’m trying out two new (to me) fitness apps to inspire me.  They’re both pay apps, either monthly or annually.  This week I used Aaptive for the first time.  It provides “trainer-led, music-driven audio workouts.”

There are many types of workouts and trainers to choose from.  The one I tried was a full body workout that took me through four groups of three different exercises in each group.  So for example, you do sumo squats with a weight for thirty seconds, then hit the floor for push ups for thirty seconds, then back up for military presses with a pair of dumbbells for thirty seconds.  Do one more round of those exercises, then transition to a new set of three exercises.  You repeat this cycle two more times (with new exercises) for a total or group of four.  Make sense?

Push ups, ab work, arm work with dumbbells, leg lifts, planks, squats, all exercises I am familiar with.  I chose the weight that felt comfortable for me.  I loved how simple it was, all I had to do was listen and follow along.  I didn’t need to mess with my phone to look at videos or find the right playlist.  I was able to focus.  The music was motivating, without being distracting.  I found myself calling the instructor names.  Not nice ones either.  And when I was done, I was sweating profusely and red in the face.  These are all personal indicators that I’ve had a good workout.

The other app that I’ll try this week is called Pear.  Maybe I’ll write extensive reviews of both apps when my free 30 day trials are up.

On the (fitness) road again,

Angela

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Mind over matter: If you don’t mind, it don’t matter

Actually that quote is about age (“Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”), but I’m going to put a spin on it today so that it relates to this post.  After all, it’s my blog so I can do what I wanna.  🙂

Maybe it’s the Gemini in me, or maybe I have touch of ADHD, but there are a lot of things I want to do in life.  And if you’ve read my previous post, What happens in Vegas, you know I’m on a journey to a permanent healthy lifestyle, and as such, I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to be active.

I’ve been really wanting to go stand up paddle boarding (think surf board with a paddle), so a few weeks ago I found a local company online and began to sign up.  While this might sound completely normal and mundane, the problem is I can’t swim, which I’ll get to in a moment.  Here’s what was going through my mind as I completed the online form:

“I’ve got a pretty strong core.  I know I can stay up on that board.  And as long as I don’t fall off, I’ll be ok.”

My ex-husband once told me that I sometimes remind him of Lucy (as in Lucille Ball), because I’d always have these so-called crazy ideas, and this is a shining example of one of those moments.  I was about three seconds away from hitting the submit button to sign up when common sense kicked in.  And here’s what common sense had to say about it:

“Ok, so what if you’re able to stay on the board, fine.  Good for you.  But, what if some OTHER fool knocks you off?  Or, how about this.  How will you learn to get back ON the board if you don’t first fall OFF the board?  They can’t teach you that on dry land, idiot.”  Yeah, my common sense can be a little harsh, especially during my “Lucy” moments.

I promise you, I’m a relatively smart woman, and I posses a rather healthy amount of common sense, but I have occasional moments when I get caught up in the excitement of wanting to try new things.  When that happens, I just have to give myself a few minutes to think things through.  And in this case, common sense won the debate, so I clicked cancel instead of submit, and I started looking for an experienced swim instructor so I could take private lessons.

To help you fully understand my situation, I experienced a near drowning incident when I was young.  I mean a total underwater, bubbles-rising-in-front-of-my-eyes, mouth-and-nose-full-of-water, I-thought-I-was-going-to-die-incident.  Just imagine, even after being pulled out of the water, not being able to breathe in or out, as if someone is holding their hand over your nose and mouth.  It was extremely scary and painful, trying to cough up all that water out of my system.  And although I never let that experience keep me completely out of the water, it left me terrified to put my face in the water.  So much so that when the water would get up around my shoulders, I would begin to tense up.  Let it get too close to my neck and I’d start hyperventilating.  Heaven forbid if you splashed me in the face, I would immediately get completely out of the water.  It was so bad that for years I wouldn’t even put my face in the water in the shower.

Now I can hear someone saying “all you have to do (don’t you just LOVE that phrase, it’s always followed by some profound statement) is wear a life vest and you’ll be fine.”   **SIGH**  There’s always one.  Usually someone whose known how to swim their entire life and can’t possibly relate to the idea of being afraid of the water.  Someone who can’t understand wanting to INHALE when your face touches the water, even when you know it’s a dumb thing to do.  It’s called trauma, and you can liken it to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  When that water gets close to my face, that incident comes rushing back, even though it happened over thirty years ago.  Most people simply cannot understand the anxiety involved unless you’ve experienced a similar near-drowning incident for yourself.  And I know people mean well when they say things like just wear a life vest or, my favorite, the water isn’t that deep, just stand up, but in all honesty you may as well be speaking a foreign language because it’s not helpful.  And that’s my PSA for the day, please don’t say things like that to an adult non-swimmer, as if learning to swim is as simple as learning to ride a bike or bounce a ball.  Maybe it was for you, but it’s not that way for everyone, and comments like that are just plain annoying.

I found an instructor with lots of positive reviews, who has experience with adults with a fear of the water, and she even has experience as a Special Olympics swim coach (gold, silver, and bronze medalist).  If she can coach special needs individuals to the ultimate victory (medals), surely she could help me reach my simple goal, right?  I’m not looking to become Michael Phelps, I simply want to know I can handle my own personal safety in the water, so I clicked submit to send her a message and made an appointment.

I met her for my first lesson at an empty, warm, indoor pool, and perhaps in an unconscious attempt to stall, I took a moment to explain my goal.  Within minutes she’d managed to coax me into the pool, we had a short conversation, and the next thing I know I was submerging my head underwater.  Without hyperventilating, and without taking water in my nose or mouth.  And no, she didn’t yell “look over there” and shove my head underwater.  I couldn’t believe how at ease she made me feel in such a short period of time.  And, she was nice enough to take some video and send it to my phone, which I viewed after the lesson, in awe, as if I was watching someone else.  I came away thinking yes, you can do this girl.

When I showed up for my second lesson, as soon as I got in the water up to my neck, the urge to want to inhale and hyperventilate returned, and it was a struggle to get in the zone and get my mind to understand that I was ok.  I was able to put my head under the water again, but this time I was filled with anxiety and I felt that old fear lurking just below the surface (no pun intended!).  I had to constantly fight the urge to inhale, which is totally annoying and can be physically tiring.  The best way I can describe it is like this.  Make a small “o” with your mouth and take short, continuous breaths in.  Think about how they tell pregnant women to breathe, but breathe in instead of out.  Now, take how that feels physically, and imagine your face being in the water, and you have to constantly tell yourself it’s ok so you’re able to keep your mouth and nose closed so you don’t take in any water.  In essence, your chest is continually spasming anytime your face is in the water, while you’re trying to fight it and calm yourself, AND while you’re trying to learn the lesson she’s trying to teach.  And although the second lesson was a success, I started to second guess whether or not I would be able to fully overcome the physical reaction from my traumatic childhood experience.

I had my third lesson yesterday, and I asked my son to come with me.  And while he wasn’t thrilled about it, he knew it was important to me so he agreed to go.  There was a method to my madness.  So many times in my life, when I thought I wouldn’t be able to accomplish something, I thought about my kids and that was enough to get my through.  Like when I decided to go back to school and get my degree, there were many times when I wanted to say to hell with this and quit, but I couldn’t because I knew my kids were watching.  I asked my son to join me because there was no way I was going to “fail” at this third lesson with one of my kids looking on.  So how’d it go? Take a look for yourself.

 

 

Personally, knowing how fearful I was, I’m amazed at my progress in just three, thirty minute sessions.  And although you can’t see it in this video, my chest started spasming every single time my head went into the water.  And I got so annoyed with it that I started focusing on keeping my head in the water even longer until I could calm my mind enough for the spasms to stop.  Which sounds crazy I know, but there’s something you need to know about me (if you don’t already), something that my ex-husband inadvertently taught me about myself.  And it’s the point of this long-winded post.

I’ll never forget how my ex-husband “Joe” (is that what I called him last time?), years ago, paid me one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever received.  The irony in the situation is that he said it at a time when he was coming to terms with the fact that I really did want a divorce.  He said to me:  “One of the things I’ve always admired about you is even though you come up with all these crazy ideas, when you set your mind to something, you get it done.”  And I had a quizzical look on my face, so he elaborated.  “If you look at your life, every single thing that you really set your mind to, you’ve accomplished.”  And honestly that was something I’d never even thought about or realized, but he was absolutely right.  So this here swim thing, which is kind of feeling like one of the biggest challenges of my life, is in the bag, because I’ve decided I’m going to conquer this.  And I don’t mind, so it don’t matter.  I’ll be sure to post a blog entry about my first stand up paddle boarding experience, and maybe even my first kayak experience too.  😉

Simply trying to stay afloat,

Angela